Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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