I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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