I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
They took my balls.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
