i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
