I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
