onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
