the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
