remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
