I just cut my nipple shaving
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
