think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
