It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
