how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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