found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Randomize
