that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
