i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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