Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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