Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
