I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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