Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
