Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
that is very illegal...i love you.
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