There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
