he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
