She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
