dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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