i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
