she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
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