I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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