She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Randomize
