just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
