I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
