he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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