Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
