He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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