We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
