guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I queefed so loud it echoed.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
