make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
