Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
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