dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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