So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
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