Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
