This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Randomize
