i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
no more duck duck goose at the bar
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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