Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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