We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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