The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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