Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Randomize
