and you said cock pushups were impossible
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
where are my eyebrows?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
