You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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