so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
