The maid of honor just puked.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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