Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
