May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
It's just like the Real World with babies
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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