I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
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