See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
