I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
