I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
