apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
